Laboring Through
When I was in the Peace Corps I had a blog named Traversing Through. Those were simpler days. I spent a lot of timing traveling, falling in love, having adventures and being (somewhat) carefree. I did really enjoy writing for an audience, which mostly included my mother and mother in law. I find myself starting a new adventure as a 34 year old grown up. I've been out of school for the first time in 4.5 years, and I find myself with more thoughts than I quite know how to process on my own, I find myself eager to put these thoughts down, and lets be honest, this is just another way for me to stall and put off my studying for my FNP board exams, clean my house, or do any physical activity.
In one week I'll start a new career as a nurse practitioner. I've been stalling getting this going so much so that I went to Peace Corps to avoid starting school, and then when I graduated, I figured the most honorable way to put off working was to just go right back to school and get another degree. But evenually, all good things must end, and the school decided it was time for me to start paying tuition, and living without an income is... not so fun. So, I've finished up my program, and I'm ready to get started. Only hitch, my dream job, the one that caused me to turn down a tenure track faculty position, is going through a bit of a crisis with the most recent insurance snafu. I won't bore you with the details, but it always feels uncomfortable to start work at a place that potentially just lost about 60% of its business. Jake thinks I should jump ship on this dream job; I'm trying to take a less drastic approach by ignoring all the red flags and sending passive aggressive emails to the office manager every 72 hours.
My other full time job is trying to fight the ever rising, panicky feeling that I waited too long to conceive, and now my uterus resembles the Craisin that I found in the bottom of my purse last week. This morning I came out of a fugue-like state only to find that I had put Zinc, Magnesium, and L-Argentine supplements into my Amazon shopping list and had exactly 12 windows in Chrome open with various anecdotal and not-so-scientific evidence on the benefits of Mexican Wild Yam Creams.
I want to talk about my process and journey to conception, or perhaps adoption. I've noticed that women don't like to talk about this process unless you ask them directly, and then you get dark looks for being to intrusive and you remember that your friends are not your patients, and they do not like being questioned on the quantity and quality of their discharge during ovulation. If this grosses you out, I'm sorry, but I'm a medical professional, and I'm a women, and I'm probably going to talk about this stuff. I want people to feel comfortable talking about their journey's to babydom. Not that I'm advocating for deep discussions with strangers about body fluids, but trying to have a baby is tough, both emotionally and physically. I bet being pregnant, having miscarriages, having babies that aren't perfect, or not being able to have babies is all a giant, painful, but very real experience that I may experience, and I want to be able to talk through these experiences.
I live far away from my family and many of my close friends, so if this blog helps to bring my community a little closer, then I'm all in. Or at least until I loose my motivation.
In one week I'll start a new career as a nurse practitioner. I've been stalling getting this going so much so that I went to Peace Corps to avoid starting school, and then when I graduated, I figured the most honorable way to put off working was to just go right back to school and get another degree. But evenually, all good things must end, and the school decided it was time for me to start paying tuition, and living without an income is... not so fun. So, I've finished up my program, and I'm ready to get started. Only hitch, my dream job, the one that caused me to turn down a tenure track faculty position, is going through a bit of a crisis with the most recent insurance snafu. I won't bore you with the details, but it always feels uncomfortable to start work at a place that potentially just lost about 60% of its business. Jake thinks I should jump ship on this dream job; I'm trying to take a less drastic approach by ignoring all the red flags and sending passive aggressive emails to the office manager every 72 hours.
My other full time job is trying to fight the ever rising, panicky feeling that I waited too long to conceive, and now my uterus resembles the Craisin that I found in the bottom of my purse last week. This morning I came out of a fugue-like state only to find that I had put Zinc, Magnesium, and L-Argentine supplements into my Amazon shopping list and had exactly 12 windows in Chrome open with various anecdotal and not-so-scientific evidence on the benefits of Mexican Wild Yam Creams.
I want to talk about my process and journey to conception, or perhaps adoption. I've noticed that women don't like to talk about this process unless you ask them directly, and then you get dark looks for being to intrusive and you remember that your friends are not your patients, and they do not like being questioned on the quantity and quality of their discharge during ovulation. If this grosses you out, I'm sorry, but I'm a medical professional, and I'm a women, and I'm probably going to talk about this stuff. I want people to feel comfortable talking about their journey's to babydom. Not that I'm advocating for deep discussions with strangers about body fluids, but trying to have a baby is tough, both emotionally and physically. I bet being pregnant, having miscarriages, having babies that aren't perfect, or not being able to have babies is all a giant, painful, but very real experience that I may experience, and I want to be able to talk through these experiences.
I live far away from my family and many of my close friends, so if this blog helps to bring my community a little closer, then I'm all in. Or at least until I loose my motivation.
Comments
Post a Comment